Anger and Recovery
Often in the early stages of recovery when using food or purging become no longer viable the former sufferer assumes she/he will feel better all the time. It is a rude awakening to discover that without the food negative feelings such as anger are surprisingly intense. This is because those with eating disorders have avoided angry feelings for so long that these feelings are strong in comparison to the numbness that they have created with using or not using food. Feeling angry will often precipitate a setback with the eating disorder. It is important to realize that after having an eating disorder for any period of time skills in coping with anger are either nonexistent or rusty at best. Eating disorder sufferers are also prone to experience swift outbursts of anger because dieting can cause irritability, and anger is more likely to occur from this state than from a calm one.
Many individuals with eating disorders cannot differentiate between feelings of fear, anger, and hunger and so eat in response to all of these feelings. Since food works so well in numbing negative emotion the eating behavior is strongly reinforced and quickly becomes a habit. Food can be so effective that often patients don't even remember what they were angry about once they start bingeing. Focus then changes to body loathing and regret over eating rather than focusing on the actual feelings and using them to plan an appropriate action ( or deciding not to act).
Why all this avoidance of anger? There are many reasons why such great lengths are taken to avoid the feelings associated with anger. Anger is a state of high physiological arousal. Many people are uncomfortable with this feeling. Some feel overwhelmed and fear the feeling will never subside. Many parents are uncomfortable with anger and teach their children to conceal their anger rather than teaching their children productive ways of dealing with anger. Children who witness parents out of control with anger may fear repeating the pattern and deny their own angry feelings for fear of acting like their parents. In addition, anger often entails fantasies of revenge or retribution, and at the extreme, violence. It is easy to see why numbing these intense feelings with food would seem attractive to someone who had never learned to deal with anger in an appropriate way.
Education regarding ways to handle anger as well as other intense emotion is an effective antidote to unproductive eating behaviors. Learn to use anger as a signal to examine oneself and one's feelings, as an opportunity to grow. Learn to differentiate between feelings and hunger. Monitor initial reactions to anger such as flushing or muscle tensing and recognize the early stages of anger. Label feeling states. Observe instead of reacting. Get away from the situation, take a walk, do deep muscle relaxation or deep breathing. Anger is a high arousal state in which it is difficult to think clearly. Any activity which puts you in a low arousal state is likely to lessen the chance you will act on impulse rather than using your best judgment. Exercise increases and then decreases arousal. It has a calming effect.
Once you have calmed down attune to anger inducing thoughts and negate them with more productive thoughts. For instance instead of thinking " He did this to hurt me.", think " He probably didn't realize this would hurt my feelings." As adults certain actions may trigger memories of earlier events (i.e. someone forgetting may remind you of an alcoholic parent in a blackout). Train yourself to differentiate leftover anger from the past from current appropriate reactions. Focus on the big picture. Ask yourself- " Is this worth getting angry over?" Remind yourself that life is short. If you decide (from a state of calmness) that your anger is justified learn to approach the person you feel anger toward in a non-confrontive productive manner. Decide what your goals are and determine whether your method will help you achieve those goals. There is a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive.
What is the difference? Assertive behavior usually involves clearly presenting or a feeling to another individual problem with the goal of working toward a resolution. Aggressiveness, on the other hand, usually involves some sort of hostile or angry behavior directed toward another person with the goal of revenge or retribution in mind. Rarely does aggressive behavior involve feelings of wanting to reconcile or repair a relationship. Rather, aggressive behavior more often results in the intensification of angry feelings among both parties. In summary, let anger act as your ally rather than your enemy. Don't let it overwhelm you. Use it as a clue to detect unresolved issues from the past. Anger can be a useful tool in recovery if you learn to understand it and work with it rather than letting it control you.
Many individuals with eating disorders cannot differentiate between feelings of fear, anger, and hunger and so eat in response to all of these feelings. Since food works so well in numbing negative emotion the eating behavior is strongly reinforced and quickly becomes a habit. Food can be so effective that often patients don't even remember what they were angry about once they start bingeing. Focus then changes to body loathing and regret over eating rather than focusing on the actual feelings and using them to plan an appropriate action ( or deciding not to act).
Why all this avoidance of anger? There are many reasons why such great lengths are taken to avoid the feelings associated with anger. Anger is a state of high physiological arousal. Many people are uncomfortable with this feeling. Some feel overwhelmed and fear the feeling will never subside. Many parents are uncomfortable with anger and teach their children to conceal their anger rather than teaching their children productive ways of dealing with anger. Children who witness parents out of control with anger may fear repeating the pattern and deny their own angry feelings for fear of acting like their parents. In addition, anger often entails fantasies of revenge or retribution, and at the extreme, violence. It is easy to see why numbing these intense feelings with food would seem attractive to someone who had never learned to deal with anger in an appropriate way.
Education regarding ways to handle anger as well as other intense emotion is an effective antidote to unproductive eating behaviors. Learn to use anger as a signal to examine oneself and one's feelings, as an opportunity to grow. Learn to differentiate between feelings and hunger. Monitor initial reactions to anger such as flushing or muscle tensing and recognize the early stages of anger. Label feeling states. Observe instead of reacting. Get away from the situation, take a walk, do deep muscle relaxation or deep breathing. Anger is a high arousal state in which it is difficult to think clearly. Any activity which puts you in a low arousal state is likely to lessen the chance you will act on impulse rather than using your best judgment. Exercise increases and then decreases arousal. It has a calming effect.
Once you have calmed down attune to anger inducing thoughts and negate them with more productive thoughts. For instance instead of thinking " He did this to hurt me.", think " He probably didn't realize this would hurt my feelings." As adults certain actions may trigger memories of earlier events (i.e. someone forgetting may remind you of an alcoholic parent in a blackout). Train yourself to differentiate leftover anger from the past from current appropriate reactions. Focus on the big picture. Ask yourself- " Is this worth getting angry over?" Remind yourself that life is short. If you decide (from a state of calmness) that your anger is justified learn to approach the person you feel anger toward in a non-confrontive productive manner. Decide what your goals are and determine whether your method will help you achieve those goals. There is a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive.
What is the difference? Assertive behavior usually involves clearly presenting or a feeling to another individual problem with the goal of working toward a resolution. Aggressiveness, on the other hand, usually involves some sort of hostile or angry behavior directed toward another person with the goal of revenge or retribution in mind. Rarely does aggressive behavior involve feelings of wanting to reconcile or repair a relationship. Rather, aggressive behavior more often results in the intensification of angry feelings among both parties. In summary, let anger act as your ally rather than your enemy. Don't let it overwhelm you. Use it as a clue to detect unresolved issues from the past. Anger can be a useful tool in recovery if you learn to understand it and work with it rather than letting it control you.
